Fear of Success - Really?

Fear of Success - it's real. Promise. Google it. Why would someone be afraid of success? It's awesome. It feels good. For some reason I self-sabotage really well. I have a hard time with compliments and I find myself creating excuses for success - "I'm not sure I really did it right", "I'm sure so-and-so could have beat my time", "I'm not sure how I was able to do that at all"....... How hard would it be to say "Thank you. I put in a lot of extra work to make that happen"? I don't know why, but I'm going to try and figure it all out.

You know that phrase:



I have never done that. NEVER. At the end of a game, WOD, competition, etc. I have ALWAYS had regrets. I should have pushed harder, I should I rested less, I should have.....goes on and on (maybe even messing with my nutrition goals???) I actually convince myself that I need to keep some in the tank....what if I need it later? Later? What later? I have never felt unprepared. I'm typically over prepared - but for some reason I tend to choke when it's game time. I played lacrosse in college, then dabbled in road racing and triathlons, and now Crossfit - this is not a new thought process for me. Clearly it's not keeping me from The Olympics, The Games, or world domination. It's frustrating though. Fear of Success.

I've been caught using the word "Can't" a few times. I cannot tell you the %, but let's say 99% of the time I say that someone tells me "let's see what you can do" and then I can do it. Oops. Promise I'm not trying to get out of work. I honestly think I can't do it. Why did I think that? Who knows. I self defeat. My husband hates it. He honestly believes I can do anything. Anything.

Something I'm going to start doing

This whole subject came up last night and my husband instantly started Googeling "Fear of Success". See, it's real, it's on the internet. Tons of articles and websites dedicated to not being afraid came up - One really hit home (from www.tinybuddha.com):

1. Be Positive - I'm getting better, but this is hard for me. I tend to doom and gloom and then see the silver lining. I need to keep positive people around me, people that believe in me, people that believe in themselves too. I get sucked into drama, I get sucked into fixing others and worrying about other peoples actions. No more.



2. Remind yourself you are part of something bigger - I'm a control freak. Not everything is in my power (what?!) and that's ok. Things happen for a reason. I need to be able to say "Well, I did my part", take a deep breath, and move on. Being a part of something bigger means helping others too. Encouraging others is something I really like to do - makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Let the cheering begin!



3. Figure out your purpose - Do you know what makes you happy? What are you passionate about? Make time for yourself - even ten minutes a day - this can make you happier, lower stress, improve health.....I'm pretty good at making time for myself. My husband is VERY supportive in this. I have family around, TONS of friends......you make time for what is important. I am important.



4. Create a success library - Thanks to Pinterest and Instagram I have this already. Do I look at Pinterest much? Nope. Will I now? Yep. Instagram is a daily thing for me. I mostly follow fitness/crossfit/weight lifting peeps with a few fashion people thrown in. I also have a few posters around work and home so that I can see my goals, where I want to be, and where I've come from. I write everything down. I enjoy reading other peoples blogs and talking with others about their successes.

Inspiration for sure

5. Learn - This is not SO scary. I do not pick WODs based on skills. I do WODs Mon-thursday no matter what they are. Friday and Saturday are off and Sunday is "work on the stuff you suck at". I sign up for competitions - even filled in on two that were terrifying, but I learned a TON and I'm still alive. Weird how that works. I set goals. I work hard. I try not to kill my husband when he is coaching me :)



6. Live in Balance - I hyper focus on things. When I get into something I go full speed ahead. This can be a blessing and a curse. I actually was told to take the week off recently to just be a mom and realize that my strength, abilities, and Crossfit will still be there when I come back. Guess what? They were. I went a week without juggling schedules, rushing from place to place, finding babysitters......it was nice. Glad to be back at it though.



So, here's to a positive and balanced life!!!! Time to do work and believe!!!!

Balance - Get Some

Pretty sure this is a drawing of me :)

You need balance in your life. Sometimes that balance shifts, sometimes it topples, sometimes it's a perfect. I often remind myself of this need when I get "mom guilt" for going to Crossfit, or girls night, or escaping the boys to watch Dateline (obsessed). My husband and mom are very good at reminding me that if I don't take care of myself first then I can't take care of all my people. 

I'm pretty sure he takes care of me more...

When smaller/lighter they loved to join me for runs

Love my post workout hugs!

Such an occasion happened on Tuesday. I was feeling like maybe I should stay home, play with the boys, take a day off, and just chill (BUT I really wanted to go to Crossfit). I picked them up from school and when we got home they went right outside with friends and played. They are happy, they know I love them, I went to Crossfit. That made ME happy. When I get to workout, and REALLY workout, I am less stressed. I yell less (there's that New Year's resolution). I'm funnier. Yep. True. Everyone likes me more. 

My body and mind need exercise to be balanced. I didn't used to think that was true. Once I graduated and stopped playing Lacrosse 6 days a week I went right into Graduate school. I didn't have time for much else. I was stressed, I gained weight, I cried. When I graduated and got a full time job I had some more time on my hands and played on an adult lacrosse team. It was fun, but it was not an easy commute and it wasn't 6 days a week. I think we practiced once a week and played a game once a week. Not exactly body/mind changing.

Then Weight Watchers happened. That did save me for a while. I wasn't really working out at all, so just being really mindful of what I ate worked. I lost about 20 pounds doing that and started to feel better about myself. Then I got pregnant. Twice. Back to back 60 pound pregnancies. Yep. 60 pounds. Each. I got back to pre-baby weight before I got pregnant again, but that was tough. 

ps. I am NOT pregnant in this pic :(

I began walking. Then jogging. Then running. I went through all the distances: 5K, 10K, 10 miler, 1/2 marathon, full marathon, sprint triathlon, olympic triathlon. It was fun. I got back to where balance was restored. 

Va Wine 1/2 Marathon

One of many 1/2 marathons

Currently my balance comes from family, friends (work, neighborhood, my girls, etc), and Crossfit. They all make me really happy. REALLY HAPPY. I have a ton of family around. I live in the area I grew up in so there are friends everywhere. Then Crossfit. It's close to home. It's close to work. It's become like a second home. 

Annual Beach trip!

My first 10 miler

CFA Superfit Delaware

CFA Movember

Wine 1/2 marathon with the girls - so fitting

You need to find what makes you happy. What you can't wait to do - then do it! Find your balance!