It's taken me a long time, years in fact, to not just realize - but believe - that I am super important. No one has ever made me feel unimportant or worthless......not at all. My personality has always been to do for others. I like to be in control, I like to make lists, I have a habit of thinking I need to do it to make sure it's done AND not just done, but done the way I want it. It's exhausting.
Nothing will show you how stupid always doing for others is like having kids. After having Sammy I quickly realized how important it was to take care of myself. If I was too tired, hungry, fat.....I couldn't really be there for him. I always let people hold him if they wanted to - friends and family, not the stranger at Target. I took a shower everyday (crazy how quickly that's the first to go) and I always had water with me.
Once I had Mason it was even more important that I take care of myself. You can get a lot of jail time for leaving your kids in the cart at Safeway - trust me....some days I was THAT tired.
I've been working on myself pretty steady since I had Mason April 2008 (he's almost 5!). I've learned a lot that I like about myself and a lot that I don't. Change is hard for me. Really hard. I hate it. I'm getting better, but I have to talk myself through it. Lame, I know. To make a better me I needed to get healthy, happy, and awesome.
Sam is incredibly supportive of me having time and bettering myself. I do girls night almost every time it comes up, I go to the store alone when I can, and I work out. My workout adventures have ranged from running, classes at the gym, triathlons, and now Crossfit. Sam supports each and every one and cheers me on along the way. It's really nice. When it comes to cost, he always says "We'll find a way. If that's what you want to do, we'll do it." I really appreciate that, there's nothing worse than feeling guilty about a gym membership or a race fee. Although, now that I've done so many races I'm pretty picky about which one I'll pay one million dollars for (isn't that what it seems like these days?).
Here's my typical day:
5:40 am: alarm is blasting
6:20 am: out the door (lunches etc packed the night before)
6:30 (ish)am: at school doing my thing. Caseload of 60 kids with a ton of meetings thrown in
2:45 pm: I'm out! Time to head home
3:00 pm: Hang with Mason (last chance for alone time, next year Kindergarten!)
3:45 pm: Pick up Sammy
5:30 pm: Leave for Crossfit (sam goes T/TH/S and I go M/W/F)
5:45 pm: who ever is home feeds the boys
7:30 pm: get home from Crossfit and start bedtime stories
8:00 pm: sit. sit on the couch. sit on the couch and watch tv. take deep breaths. say I LOVE YOU
If you don't take care of yourself, then you can't take care of everyone you love. You just can't. Some of the quotes that get me through it all: